I have three daughters biologically. I have several more by virtue of Freedom Home.
Ali* began first to call me mama. The other girls at the home joined her. Most have not had a mama in a long time. Most haven't known a good mama. Ali's mama died when she was around ten years old.
Ali has had a very hard journey. We see times of great victory and times of such defeat. The past few weeks she has worked to make life horrible for every person in the home--residents and staff. She made it known to a few people that she wanted to be so bad that Andy and I would kick her out of the home.
So today we sat to talk. Again. It went no where.
I told her I would not kick her out, but that she had a choice to make. She would either began to work on things like schooling, parenting, and living or she would make the choice herself to move out. Not doing what she needs to do is making the choice.
After the conversation with her and a bit of time hugging on all the rest of the girls in the home, I came home. Tonight I'm weighted with a burden to pray for her. I talked with our director, who did have another conversation with Ali after I left, and it went well.
But I'm still burdened for her.
She can't trust.
She is bound by fear.
She needs God to deliver her from her past.
She needs to totally break free from a negative relationship.
I have friends who have children who are adults and have walked away from God. The pain in the lives of my friends is intense. They pray. They weep. They ask God to bring their child back.
Tonight I'm weeping for the one who called me Mama, my "daughter". I love her intensely. I love her because Christ loves her.
I love her because she is worthy of love, no matter her actions.
I love her because she is a child of God, made in His image.
He longs for relationship with her.
He longs to heal her hurt.
He longs to help her trust.
Will you pray for her tonight and this weekend? Will you pray that God will help her start anew and that we will see radical change in her life and being?
There is a song with a line that says, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours." Easy to sing these words. Hard to live them.
Tonight my heart is broken for Ali.
1 comment:
The next line in the song is "everything I am for your kingdom's cause". You're giving everything you are in the life of this girl and others at Freedom Home.
A sense of accomplishment or "seeing" Ali change may be a gradual thing and hard to hope for in the midst of her acting out. what I'm praying for is that God would give you eyes to see her as he does. That you'll be able to measure the letting go of walls and the breaking down of strongholds in her life so you will be encouraged in your work. I pray that she'll stay. That she'll make the decision to keep trying, so I can meet her when I come.
I love you nancy. encouraged by your words of commitment to your passion... hurting women one day healed and whole. WOW.
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